Meat Gazing at the Male Revue

My first time seeing male strippers. Wanted to see all the weiners. Hear the story in this episode . 

Transcript

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Welcome to the Den podcast. It is about to get weird. My friends. I'm Rachel Z, your host Lingham misuse sex educator, breast cancer, thriver funny gal sitting in a room full of dicks talking dicks, but, and all things. Sex. welcome back friends. It is Wiener Wednesday, so you know what that means. New episode. On today's episode, we're talking all about my first experience seeing male strippers. Now, before we get into this episode, I want to say. Thank you for everyone who has been waiting a couple of weeks for this new episode. Cancer is a gift that just keeps giving. As y'all know, I am a breast cancer thriver, and over the last couple of weeks I've been doing these. Iron infusions because I'm going through menopause, early. Menopause. Again, thanks Cancer, and my pussy bleeds all the time because it bleeds all the time. My iron was low, hence. Iron infusions and they've just made me feel really shitty and tired sluggish kind of flu-Like definitely one of those things that makes you feel worse before you feel better. So I decided to pause the DIN podcast for a couple of weeks while I was going through it, just cause I was having a hard time getting shit done. But we are back and we are talking about male strippers. So my lovely neighbor Lauren, had wanted to go see a male review and I was like fuck yes. Meat gazing is one of my. Favorite activities, so I was in the original show got postponed because they were double booked or some shit like that, and so it ended up being rescheduled to this last Saturday. Now I went in hell of excited because I was ready to see waiters dancing around. Like I mentioned, meat gazing is one of my favorite activities. I am always looking through, looking for peckers in pants. Let me tell you a little bit about my history of Meat gn, my favorite place to do it. I worked at this bar and we had Sunday brunch, and let me tell you, that was Prime Meat GN location because you get all these people who come in, really hungover, and they're wearing gym shorts and sweatpants, and their peckers is just. Showing and I worked on the brunch side, so like where the buffet actually was. So I got to look at pretty much everybody's wing nurse and sometimes I got caught. But honestly I think it made me more moneys anyway, feeding the male ego another place that is great to meet gaze. Is Home Depot Lowe's, Menards, places like that. I have this rough theory about it. Men there wear tighter pants and my rough theory is that tradesmen wear tighter pants because they just can't have Ill fitting clothing. It's A safety hazard. They can't go in pants, a sagging and get caught up in some shit. So those are my two favorite places to look for the peckers, but I look pretty much everywhere. Oddly enough, I've never been to female strippers or a male review, anything like that, which is pretty strange considering that I have a whole room dedicated to wieners and wieners are my life The opportunity presented itself. I was like, fuck yes, I'm in now. I was ready to go. I was ready to see wieners. I had 75 bucks cash money, ones I had been saving. I rubbed one out beforehand, so I wasn't too embarrassing initially. I was really worried that I was going to be the really embarrassing one. but then my neighbor's been a little dick crazy lately. And she's not as well versed as I am as like looking at Weers, cuz Weiners is my job. I wondered, is she gonna be the crazy one? I think so. And I also had a pretty sneaking suspicion that the women there was gonna be wild. So I was in for wieners, I was in for Wild, I was in for Thirsty bitches. I was in All in. Okay. So we show up, it's at an American Legion, which whatever. I've seen a lot of things, so I knew American Legion could be a prime spot for Wiener Shaken. And it's funny cuz we pull in the parking lot and I'm like 1000% sure that we're there because I. Sea of minivans. I'm like, oh yeah, this is the right spot. Look at all these minivans and SUVs. Prime for kid hole, and yeah, we're in the right spot. And so the parking lot is fucking full, right? It is full There's this sign and it says, more parking at church, which just struck me as funny. We park in the church, we go in and we go in there a are a lot of women in there. Over a hundred women in there, and I didn't buy the tickets, so I'm not sure what they cost. I would imagine they were in like the 20 to$30 range. We got general admission and we got there late because bitch was hungry. I didn't want to sit in the general admission tables because it was like all the way back. I upgraded our seats to v i p. So we had a pretty good prime spot, like right by this stage. We're getting settled in. We are getting our drinks and there are these little men walking around. All right. Not what I would imagine for the male strippers, we haven't seen everybody yet. And when we were in the parking lot, there was this one guy. Who was walking to probably their van or their tour situation, and he had a sore hoof. Okay. He was limping and gimping along, and I thought, surely that's not one of the dancers. We get in sore hoofs there. There is this little, and I say little. Okay, I'm tall. I'm five 11, almost six feet tall, and not one of these fucking male strippers who were walking around while everybody was getting settled was probably over five. Five, these are tiny little dudes and. I'm not throwing shade because in my experience with wieners is the biggest wieners are always on, the most inconspicuous men. They're not the men that you would think just got a baby's arm in their pants, they're not in the menu, would suspect, they're always like the surprise skinny white guys or awkward, dorky looking guys. So I wasn't throwing any judgment about, what we were packing or what we was working with. There was this little guy and he was tatted. He was by far the sexiest. He was like super tatted, but he was little. He was like five, five tops. Five five, but like skinny built, tatted all over his head, all over his arms, all over his body. He was sexy. Then there was another like little. Latin man, and he also was built. Soar hoof is walking around to walking around getting everybody settled. They're like, divvying up ones, you wanna buy ones, So then the show finally starts, and let me tell you what these men. Were not what I would expect from male dancers. I'm gonna sound really mean. But they were all short. There was a short little Latin man. There was a slightly taller Latin man, and, but his body was not in shape. Then there was the tatted one, and then there was this tiny little white guy, tiny, like the other guys were like five, five. This guy was like a solid. Three inches shorter than him and just scrawny. Fuck, this guy couldn't have my thigh probably weighs more than this dude, right? There was something odd about his face. I don't know if he reminded me of someone and that was my turnoff or he just had the look of being a creep. I know I have a lot of room to talk about being a creep because I encourage, I. Bad behavior and sexual innuendos from men all the time. There are those those men that are just like, you get creepy vibes from they can't read the room and they're always taking it next level, or I just got creepy vibes from this guy. Turns out the tiny little guy is like this tiny little white rapper. Who's like, yeah, listen to me on Spotify. Follow me on Spotify, which good for him. Probably a great platform to promote his music. But. Uh, then he came out and performed one of his songs. I would definitely not follow him on Spotify. Just saying. So there's that tiny little guy, and then there is a black man. He had dreads or he looked like very He was playing the role of like the island guy, right? He looked like Jamaican or Dominican that kind of role he was playing. And his body was nice. His body was nice and he was the tallest of all of them. Probably like maxing out at five, seven maybe. So the show starts. The dancers come out and I'm like, really? This is what we're working with these five guys, but I'm trying to reserve my judgment I'm trying to not make. Any final decision until pants come off, because me and every other woman in that room came here to see wieners. We came to see Dick's thrusting around and half naked mans. That's what everybody in the room was there for. So these guys, they get on stage, they do their opening number. They're not very choreographed. Every single one of them looked like they needed acne cream. And again, like it makes me sound really mean, but it's just not what I had in mind when I was thinking like hot male strippers. But again, I'm trying to not reserve judgment until pants come off. I have always said, wiener size doesn't really matter, right? I know a lot of guys are insecure about that, but whatever you're working with and your pants, there is a gal out there that loves that size. of Weiner. Okay. You just gotta get in where you fit in and find your peeps. Me personally, since I. Amm in the genre of wieners, and I see a lot of dicks. I am a size queen. I am not fucking with it unless it is big. And that's not to say that dicks have to be big to be good. It's just a personal preference because like I said, I've seen a lot of wieners. There's. Not a lot that impresses me. Average wiener size in my experience has been about five to six, or when you close your fist, if you have anything above one handful, you are above. Average but still don't get get crazy and get pat yourself on the back because that's still not like right home worthy. Okay? You don't have a huge pack if you have more than one fistful. I've always said that like I could totally pick a partner or someone that I wanted to bang with just picking by wieners, like line all these dudes up with like little glory holes, have'em stick their erect penis through so that I can see it, touch it, feel it, and then I'll pick like that. And then the looks and the personality and the rest of the person. I can work with, I can work with, especially if we're like talking about a hookup and relationship situation. So pants come off, finally, pants come off. They're like, I. at the very end of their number they like just take their pants off and they're like, show'em butt crack talking about, oh, totally nude, this, that and the other. And I knew they weren't gonna get totally nude. And honestly I think I'd be weirded out by like the dicks just like flapping around while they're dancing. And also nude is like problematic because a lot of times male dancers. To get that nice little package. What they do is they get semi erect and then they tie it off like either with bands or cock rings or whatever. They tie it off so it stays like looking full and alert and out to party. These guys, they do their opening number pants hardly come off. I was down to get up on stage, right? I paid 30 a piece to upgrade our seats to v i p plus whatever, Lauren. Paid for tickets. So let's just say they were about 30 each, so we're already like$120 deep into this thing. I was like, fuck yeah, I'm down to go on stage. ask about how to get your friend on stage. So Lauren asks, it's$60. I'm like we got the v i p, I got a bunch of ones.$60 is steep. These guys aren't that sexy. I'm bigger than. Every single one of them. I decided to pass on getting onstage. They get their first round of ladies up on the stage, They were all three brides, but I'm like, fuck yeah. These ladies are brides. This is probably their bachelorette party. They deserve to get on stage. They deserve to have. All the peckers in their face and all the gyration, yes, let's make it rain. So they get the best show possible, right? I don't know, maybe I had like insanely high expectations, but again, they didn't take their pants off until the last couple notes of their number. I wanted to see Magic Mike. I wanted these men's to primarily not have pants on not have pants on. That's what I had in mind. Of course, like you come out in some scantily little thing and do your number, but then pants come off, right? Everybody in that room is here to see dx. Where are the dicks is the question that I just kept asking myself. So the brides get done. They explained like how lap dances work a couple dollars, they'll come over and dance anything, five or over. They have to take it out with their mouths. This$30 dance gets you like this, ooh, v i p status they walk around a little bit and do some thrusting, do some grinding for the tips. Then they're like, okay, who wants to get a dance on stage? And this whole thing like. I was just so disappointed in how this thing went down, right? Because a dicks aren't out and about. They don't have their pants off. They're not that sexy. They tiny. But again, I'm like, okay let's see when pants really come off. And we really get into the meat of this show pretty much for the next. Hour. All they did was beg for people to come on stage and get these$30 dances on stage, which is really fun for the people on stage. But what about the performance aspect for the rest of the ladies? My only like major point of reference is magic Mike, and that is what I wanted to see. Dancing, entertaining, routine wieners. Okay. Probably wieners, dancing, entertaining, wieners, thrusting. That was like what I had in my mind going into this. And I had a bunch of ones like out and about. I came ready and my neighborhood, it's funny, she was like, oh, I didn't know people really brought once. And I'm like yeah girl. This what you do at the strip club. You be making it rain. So the first round of women got on stage, probably 12 women,$30 a piece for the dance. there were women waiting to go. Then for the next hour these men proceeded. They didn't do any dancing at all unless there were women on stage paying$30 for the dance. And in my opinion, It was fuck you ladies out in the audience who paid to get in here. And also it just felt like a sleazy money grab. And the fact that they also weren't taking off their pants with Any sort of regularity. I was like, women in this room came to say weers not skinny, scrawny guys in their outfits. I will have to say though, their dick jokes were good. Their dick jokes were great, but. Show us some wieners. Okay. You got a whole women room full of rowdy. N not rowdy cuz you ain't taking your pants off. But you got a whole room full of women who came there to get weird, who came there to see Dick's thrusting around, to get slapped in their parts and to get humped and grinded on. That's why we all came there. But instead they just kept doing these.$30 dances on stage and I still maintain. It felt sleazy. It felt give us more money. Give us more money. Give us more money. Give us more money. Give us more money. And. I'm not an idiot, of course, like dancers want money. Entertainers want money. That's how they make their living. But I still maintain that if they just would've got on stage and given a couple of good performances and good dances without pants, there would've been women like rallying around the stage just. Throwing bucks. Making it rain. Okay. Making it rain. But instead they're like only doing these$30 dances, not even taking their pants off. And then each time they're like, okay, let's get the next round of ladies up on stage. There are fewer and fewer women going up on stage cuz everybody is Take your pants off, then we might talk about it. Right? They've seen what's happened to the other women up there and they're like, eh, 30 bucks. I don't know. I don't think so. You're not gonna take your pants off, you're not gonna gyrate. I don't think so. No. But I was just like blown away by the amount of Women who were there who were not having a good time, because they weren't circling around, they weren't putting on a show we originally started out with there being like well over a hundred women in that room. You look through half the show and over half of them are gone. Half. Okay. I guess they don't care cuz they paid the entry, but come on. I was expecting to be 1000% engaged with the wieners in the room. Okay. You look around, there's people on their phones. No, I think a successful show is like no distractions from the dicks that are flapping around. Overall, I was just so disappointed in the quality of the show, the presentation of the men, the fact that they didn't take their pants off. The fact that I was bigger than all of them. Ooh, and you know what? I forgot to even mention, I forgot to talk about my Guy story. So Soof, remember we saw him out in the parking lot and I was like, Shirley, he's not a dancer. Turns out. He was a dancer. Not only did he have a sore hoof, his body was not fit, and I would be willing to bet that his titties was bigger than like at least 30%. Of the women in the room, and I'm not bagging on small titties. Okay. Itty bitty titty committee represent We love you. Boobs are great, but on a male dancer, we're just not expecting to see titties and all. If the situation were reversed and men had paid to get into this show and the women were like not taking off their clothes to anything scantily, they would be up in arms. Why do us women not deserve the same thing? We came there looking for waner. Okay. I was like, Primed and ready before I went in to be so hot and bothered that I called up Vaughn and was like, get here now. But instead, all I could think about after the show was, what am I gonna eat? And luckily there was one of my favorite Mexican restaurants right around the corner, which honestly was like one of the biggest highlights of the night. That is my first experience with a male review Now I get it. I'm not in Vegas. I did not go to a Chippendale show. Next time I'm gonna go to a bigger, better show. I don't know what I expected being out here in the Midwest, but let me tell you, that is not where it's at. Those was not hometown heroes. They did not do their hometown's proud up there on that stage, not even taking off their pants. Are you serious? I was so disappointed. Like literally, I've had better meat gazing at brunch and at Home Depot. Go to a bigger, better, more well produced show. It was my takeaway. I left there with$50 in one's left because I'm like, why am I gonna give these not look good looking? Men get money without taking off their pants and without grinding on me and without putting on a show. I think that's the biggest thing, put on a show. So to the producers of Hometown Heroes or 50 Shades of Gray, whatever, they're like mail review. They're like making their way across the country. Girl, don't do it. Save your money. Save your money. Go to a Chippendales show. Go to a highly reviewed show. Go to one at a casino. Go to one in Vegas. I don't know, but don't. Do that. Thank you so much for joining me on this episode of the Dickin Podcast. If you love it, make sure to subscribe so you'll never miss an episode. And join me on Wiener Wednesdays as we talk about Dick's butts and all things sex.